A Declarative Act of Living...A Defiant Part of Speech

     Make today a declarative act of living, not a defiant part of speech.
     These words were given to me on April 14, 2011, when I took ownership of a red Invacare FDX-MCG.  After hours of labor that enabled me to have a power wheelchair, I struggled.  I did not want to be victim of--a victim to--FDX-MCG.
     I am a woman of words.  I need clarity as my advocate.  FDX-MCG hardly fits the bill.
     Make today a declarative act of living.
     A declarative act is an expression of faith--a belief of what can be, if I will it.  Faith begins in prayer. I pray.  I believe it may be.  I will it. If it be, I pray.
     Do not be mistaken.  A declarative act of living is not a guarantee of a life as I want it to be.     
     Will.
     Will the faculty of conscious and especially of deliberate action.  Will is quite different from defiance.
     Not a defiant part of speech.
     Defy.  Defiant.  Defiance.
     Defy--to challenge the power of; resist boldly or openly; to challenge (a person) to do something deemed impossible.
    Defiant--boldly resistant or challenging.
    Defiance--a challenge to meet in combat or in a contest.
    Most of my life--before knowing how to do otherwise, and long after I was old enough to know better--I have lived in defiance.  I defied expectations of surgeons, "she may never walk or talk," the expectations of educators, "if I were to guess, I would say she might be mentally retarded," and occupational therapists, "here are exercises to help you to learn to use your right hand."
    As my Dad has said, "We didn't if you would learn to talk, but, once you started to talk, we didn't know if you would stop talking."  Though never a stellar student in graded terms, I did graduate from college, then, I completed graduate school.  There need be no apology for my life's story.  Only if I do not share it must I apologize.  Only if I share it will I ever learn.
      Long before graduate school--long before learning to speak--I defied the best-intentioned expectations of occupational therapists.  Carefully planned exercises--customized to my needs--were blown to smithereens.  Honestly, it was so long ago--I do not know if I could know, if I could remember.  How did I perform the assigned tasks with just one, and not two hands.  My intent was not defiant.  My act was.
   Throughout my life, if driven by nothing else, I am driven to excel-lence by, "I don't think you can do that."  "Do you want to make a bet."  Yet, such defiance comes at a heavy price.  I lived an act of defiance.  My body crumbled under its load.
     Far better than any dose of defiance is a measure of will. 
     I do not know the precise content of my acts--of my living.  I do know that I can not live under the destruction defiance delivers to my soul.  
     Make today a declarative act of living, not a defiant part of speech.