Zoomer Chronicles: The Road Not Taken

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, And sorry I could not travel both And be one traveler, long I stood And looked down one as far as I could To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, just as fair, And having perhaps the better claim, Because it was grassy and wanted wear; Though as far that the passing there Had worn them really about the same.
And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black. Oh, I kept the first for another day! Yet knowing how way leads on to way, I doubted if I should ever come back.                             I shall be telling this with a sigh Somewhere ages and ages hence: Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-- I took the one less traveled, And that has made all the difference.        Robert Frost, "The Road Not Taken," Birches

     Today, Zoomer and I set out not knowing whether we would venture northeast, or southeast of Downtown St. Paul.
     Our rules???

     Few.  Discover how far out of Downtown St. Paul that we could travel safely.  Study the map long enough to have a general sense of the area, yet, not so long as to be convinced that there is nothing to explore--nothing interesting to discover.  Take no stupid risks.  Yet, have enough of a spirit of adventure to get out the door, and down the curb cut.

     Our supplies???

     Simple.  Purse with cell phone.  Detailed street atlas.  Headband.  Gloves.  Wheelchair blanket. 

     Today's starting point???

     West Seventh Street.

     Today's questions???

     Can I cross the Seventh Street bridge outside of Downtown?  If so, how far may I travel?  What may I find?  Will Zoomer's batteries discharge sufficient energy to power my adventures?

     Rules understood, supplies in hand, starting point established, and questions set forth, we are ready to go.

     Good.  The Seventh Street bridge has a sidewalk.  Good.  It is a busy street, but, most anything, short of a freeway is possible, right???

     Bridge crossed.  Now what???  Shopping establishments???  Nothing worth stopping for.  There must be something more along this main thoroughfare.  There must be.

     Go forth.  The Bruce Vento Regional Trail.  
     Hmmmm....


"Two roads diverged in a yellow wood, and I--
I took the one less traveled, and that has made all the difference."

Zoomer Chronicles: Mapping Out a New Life

     Zoomer and I set out today to explore the southeast quadrant of Downtown St. Paul.  I am not delusional.  Downtown St. Paul, in toto, is small in geographic terms.
     St. Peter.  Wabasha.  Cedar.  Minnesota.  Robert.  Jackson.  Temperance.  Sibley.  Wacouta.  Wall.  Broadway.  Eleven blocks from west to east.
     Eleventh.  Tenth.  Exchange.  Ninth.  Eighth.  Seventh.  Seventh Place.  Sixth.  Fifth.  Fourth.  Kellogg.  Eleven blocks from north to south.
     Within these eleven west- to east-bound streets, and within these eleven north- to south-bound streets are a myriad of adventures.  The precise quotation escapes me,  yet, one sidewalk inscription said it best.  Essentially, it compared walking a dog with love.  There is a whole world out there to explore.  I will return to that quote in the sidewalk...once I remember its precise location:)
     Intersections.  Fifth and Sixth Streets are both parallel, and perpendicular.  I kid you not.  Twists and turns.  Light-rail transit construction.  I-94.  I-35E.  The Mississippi River.  These are the boundaries of Downtown St. Paul.  Yet, the question remains.  How far may I push the envelope--how far may I push myself beyond the geographic boundaries of Downtown St. Paul?
     This is not grandiose.  This is not the stuff of graduate coursework.  This is not the stuff of climbing the corporate ladder.  I achieved academic goals.  I worked in state government, a large corporation, and with an individual over a period of 27 years. Never did I approach the lowest rung on the corporate ladder.  That is the past.  Character building, to say the least.   But, that is the past.  It must be.  I cannot let any unharnessed frustration or anger steer me off course.  I may not know the direction I am to head, yet, I cannot allow any anger or frustration steer me off course from my journey.
     Now I am called to live a different life.  What does it look like? I am not sure.  We have a new map.  Now,  Zoomer and I must begin using it.  We must discover our new address.  That is my choice. Today. That is my choice.
     The geographic boundaries in which Zoomer and I travel are the framework of a different life--a life I am carving out for myself now, and for the future.  This is not brain surgery.  Yet, the only way I may know how to operate in this new life is to travel its arteries--breathe its air.  So desperately, I want to encourage friends and family to do the same in their varied lives.
      I do not have a vision for my friends, and family, any more than I understand what it is that I am supposed to live.  I do have faith in them--faith in their potential.  I do believe--understand--with every ounce of my being, that college graduation, release from prison, and unemployment are all times when lifework needs to be mapped out.
     Frustration--anger--channeled is a sign of hope.  Frustration--anger--unharnessed is a squandered opportunity.

Employing Yourself

     Today, unemployment--finding work--touched me. Not me, Patty Thorsen, but, rather, someone I know was thrown by the bureaucracy of unemployment benefits--how they are administered.
     I feel somewhere on the continuum with Guilty at one end, Gratitude in the middle, and Insensitivity at the other end.  How can I possibly offer the support, and encouragement a friend deserves?
     My guilt? I am not faced with the challenge--the stress--of finding, and keeping a job.  The unemployment statistics.  Job creation.
     Gratitude?  My pace is mine to set.  I am free from the expectations of others--arbitrarily-established benchmarks of performance.  Swimming is mine to lap up.  I awaken to no alarms--my bladder takes care of that.
     Insensitive?  Yes.  I fear I am insensitive to the challenges--psychological challenges--of pursuing and applying for work that is below one's gifts--below one's potential.
     I hear the self-destruction that, in the long run, well may erode the faith, and hope necessary to make the most of one's gifts.  Self-destruction found in job hunting is masked by outrage at the system, outrage at the plight that individuals without any resources necessary to find a job.
     Never would I have imagined that I would forget the years of unfulfilling work, the frustration of being underestimated.  Yet, nearly two years have passed since I made an unexpected exit from the full-time work world--an exit after 24 years.  Occasionally I dream that I am trying to get back to work, yet, I never make it.  In the dream, I wonder, "What is wrong with this situation?"
     I know that finding a job is not easy.  I understand that seeking job opportunities that are beneath one's gifts, and potential is a painful compromise--a compromise of conscience.
     I do understand that persevering those trying times is paying off now.  A stable income...not excessive, but, stable, and secure.  Retirement.  Pension.
     I know that I wanted no part of what I am saying now, when I was working full-time.  For that reason, I question the integrity of my prayer.  Yet, my desire that friends, and family, who are in this situation, invest themselves fully in creating their new lives.
    My prayer for anyone who finds themselves underemployed?
    May you pour the anger, hostility, outrage, and frustration into an earthen vessel that you store out of your sight--separate from the human being, who must be employed.
    May you relinquish the burden of civic responsibility, and advocacy for others with fewer resources while you heal your wounded self.
    Civic responsibility, and advocacy will re-form itself within your spirit, when you emerge from the chapter of unemployment, or underemployment.  Have faith.
    May you define compromise.
    May you make necessary compromises.
    May you continue the pursuit of a more fulfilling life--a fulfillment of your potential.
    May you give no one the satisfaction of knowing that you are the person they may imagine--a person of lesser potential.
     You are better than that.  You are worthy of the challenge.  You can and will surmount the challenge.
     Employ your gifts.  Present them to the world with humility, grace, and determination.