Enablement. Pity. Transformation.

     Tonight I acted such as I do rarely.  I disentangled myself from my enablement--enablement of an acquaintance.  Her lifetime.  Horrible abuse.  Justifiable anger.  Deep pain.
     I minimize no one's abuse--I minimize no one's pain.  Each of us have been given our own challenges.
     Our charge--our human dictate--is to transform our abuse--our pain--whatever its severity, whatever its source may be, into constructive motivation to live toward our future.  Though I may sound so, I am not Pollyanna's advocate--I am not her apologist.
     We may not transform our pain at the cost of another's life.
    "There, but by the grace of God, go I."  "I contribute, or act charitably on behalf of those less fortunate than I."
     Both reek of arrogance, unwillingness to understand the essence of transformation, to name but two.
     Enablement.  Pity.  Transformation.
     Enablement.  A noun.  Give (someone or something) the authority or means to do something.
     Pity.  The feeling of sorrow and compassion caused by the suffering and misfortunes of others.
     Do not get me wrong.  Sorrow and compassion are of tremendous comfort to me at moments of life's challenges.
     What I do not abide by is the rotten smell of eggs--the dripping of molasses--that protects pity's pearl.
     Tonight I was overcome.  A rotten egg.  The molasses.  It oozed out of my earpiece.  No longer could I digest the eggshells thrown in my direction.  I had to speak.
     Transformation.  A thorough or dramatic change in form or appearance.
     As someone who strives to live by the example of Jesus--living a life transforming, wallowing has no place--my wallowing, or other's wallowing.
     Wallow.  (to wallow) (of a person) indulge in an unrestrained way in (something that creates a pleasurable sensation.)  [Boldface in original text.]
     Unfortunately, wallowers do not recognize their own indulgences.  Unfortunately, people living transforming lives mistake their own transient enablement, and pity for their lives imbued with sorrow, compassion, and joy.  Such transience is normal--such transience is necessary to us mortal beings..
     I pray I may--we may all--call out those people who wallow in their abuse and pain.  I pray I may--we may all--affirm the transforming lives of the People of God who surround us.

Losing a Life

     Little leaves me speechless.  Tonight I read an e-mail message saying that a 32-year-old woman, who was a part of my worship community, was murdered.  I know no specifics.  I did not have the privilege of knowing Carolyn.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
     Today, I spoke at length with several people.  Both women are legally blind.  One woman is hostile at the world for all that has befallen her in her life.  The other woman contributes to society from the root of her blindness.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
     Hostility....cynicism....pity....
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
     I listened to pity-filled, cynical, hostile woman for nearly two hours.  I abhor pity.  I cringe at cynicism's crust.  I hate hostility.
     Pity, cynicism, and hostility need not hover over the woman's spirit.  I pray for the woman.  She speaks of resurrection--belief in transformation.  Yet, personal transformation--willingness--must go before resurrection.  No magician's black hat, and wand.  Personal transformation.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
     I cannot--I will not--invest my brief life in hostility, cynicism, or pity.  Certainly not all three.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
     In hopes of nurturing some infinitesimal seed of transformation, I offered \a litany of personal challenges.  A glimpse of what is possible, if only personal willingness is sacrificed for a greater good.
     I do not know.  I may never know.  Did my litany of personal challenges pierce her self-pity, her crust of cynicism, and her heartfelt hostility.  My style is not to meet self-pity with self-pity.  That is not my style.  Frankly, most of the time, I do not think of my personal challenges to be such, I have my moments as any other human being.  Yet, until I meet someone who does not surmount their own--does not try--I must challenge them.  Yet, at times, I must offer my litany as a hope-filled offering--a wake-up call.  I slowed the pity, silenced the cynicism, and halted the hostility.  But, for how long?
     The second woman I spoke with today is a different spirit.  We are alike in our abhorrence of self-pity.  We disavow ourselves of cynicism's temptation.  We have no time for such wallowing.  Hostility?  We have no hours to harbor hostility.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
    We understand challenge.  We surmount it, when possible.  We claim no perfection.
    Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.
    Carolyn, I am sorry I did not know you.
     Life is a gift.  It is a fleeting gift.

The Gift That Keeps on Taking

     Throughout my life, I have known that my life experiences were gifts, which I must accept, and from which I must learn.  I am called to learn.  I must answer that call.  Each of us must answer our call. 

     I do not believe in mistakes.  Yes, I make mistakes.  But, I do not believe in mistakes.

     My birth was planned.  I was wanted.  I am wanted.  I was loved.  I am loved.

     I do not believe in doom--in being doomed to a negative existence.  I have doubts.  I will have doubts.  I am tested.  I will be tested.  But, I am not doomed.  I cannot be.  None of us is.  None of us can be so doomed.

     I do not believe in evil.  Nothing in the air I breathe is evil.

     All of the air that I breathe is filled with lessons.  I must be a student of those lessons.

     I am driven.  I am driven to appreciate, as Michael J. Fox says of his Parkinson's Disease, "the gift that keeps on taking."  I am called to appreciate my gifts.  Each of us is.  All of us are so called.

     My gifts?  Cerebral palsy and epilepsy.  The insights that flow from them.

     In "A Conversation with Michael J. Fox," CNN's Sanjay Gupta asked, "Do you ever ask yourself, 'Why me?"  

     Michael J. Fox responded, "Why not me?" ... "It is what it is."

     Fox voices the movement we must make from self-pity to determination.  He speaks with or of no arrogance.  If we are to receive the gifts we are given--our life experiences--then, we may not truncate them.  Painful though the process may be, to truncate our life experiences is to trip, and to fall flat on our faces.

    My life experiences are gifts.  I will my acceptance.  I will learn.  I will accept my call.  I am willing.  I call you.  Join me.