My epilepsy--my brain damage--may not be willed away. Others may not wish it so, and be so fulfilled. I may not will it away--whatever amount of strength and stubbornness I will, I may not be so fulfilled.
"Focus on the positive and ignore negative behavior," Mom's words reverberate in my memory yet today.
Ignorance was never an answer. Ignorance was never the answer for me. Ignoring the ignorance of other people will not lead to a positive result. It never could be. Adding two negatives to render a positive result may work in arithmetic. Never was I a star math student--not by a long shot. But, my life is not an equation--it never was. It never will be. I will never will it to be so.
Other factors were at work. Other factors are at work.
Ignorance--ignorance of others--is not a manifestation of malice. It can't be. I am not a servant of malice. I cannot, I will not be. The only hope of advancing understanding is to be willing to learn--to be committed to look inward...to the knowledge of other people, to the language they speak.
Malice is not an evil in which I may invest myself. The return on investment--for me, for God, for others--serves no one. Evil is not a commodity in which I may invest my resources--my being.
Ignorance--my ignorance of other's experiences, and motives--is an indulgence I can ill afford. To the contrary, ignorance, doubt, questions, and anxiety are--must be--invitations to which I engage my being. I cannot presume that I have the answers--the answers universal to everyone with seizures, cerebral palsy, or osteoarthritis, for that matter. Too many variables are involved in the equation to arrive at one simple answer of facts.
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Showing posts with label evil. Show all posts
Saturday, August 6, 2011
Monday, July 18, 2011
A Hijjacking
Hijacking of planes was common in the 1970s. Long before the Homeland Security Administration, the terrain was quite different. Today, the Transportation Security Administration is charged with protecting the flying public from hijackings.
The TSA has not been granted the power to prevent the hijackings I experience--hijacking of my nervous system when I feel emotionally threatened. I can withstand stress. Humor. Reflection. These are but two of the coping strategies I have used during my 51 years.
Emotionally threatened? If it is not rooted in withstanding stress, then what is it? Though not a scholar of neurology, I do study the triggers.
Friends do not trigger emotional threats to me. They never have. They never could. Friendship is not rooted in power-based authority. Good friends trigger no emotional threats to me.
Authority figures. Supervisors at work. However much I liked the individual, I was afraid of being criticized negatively, or worse yet, fired. I understood the terrain of being demoted--the terrain of being underestimated. Being fired. Knowing that that was highly unlikely--knowing that intellectually--was far different from being free of the fear.
Authority figures have not been limited to the work world, although those authority figures are the easiest to portray.
I have had epilepsy since I was a child. When I was born, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck five times, which cut off the oxygen supply to the left side of my brain. [If I had a nickel for every time I have uttered those words, I would be a rich woman:)] One of the realities that flows from my birth is that I have extra electrical activity in my brain--a thunderstorm. Anticonvulsants keep the thunderstorms at bay.
I have been told I have intentional tremors on my left side, primarily in my left hand--my predominant hand. The harder I try to do a given task--the more I intend to do a given task, the more I have tremors.
Upon learning that fact, no, long before that, I concentrated on maintaining a level of inner calm. Just as I have taken anticonvulsants to keep my seizures at bay, so too I have needed to employ other strategies to maintain a level of inner calm. Humor. Music. Reflection. Writing. Seeking the best in other people. It may seem to be superficial to seek the best in other people--to seek the positive in life. If done properly, it is far from superficial. If seeking the best of life--the best in other people--is undertaken in opposition to ignoring the negative, then it is superficial. Ignoring the negative in life--whatever, or whoever it may be--makes impossible any hope of living fully. Seeking the best in other people--seeking the positive--is a hunt for a pearl. But, it must be done with proper intent. Ignoring the negative must be replaced with learning from what seems negative on a superficial level.
These were among my strategies to keep the evil hijackers from taking control of my nervous system. I have heard no one speak of being emotionally hijacked, or having his/her nervous system hijacked. Yet, that is precisely what happens.
I was hijacked emotionally today. The evil hijackers took control of my nervous system. I had the armor of anticonvulsants to protect me. Yet, that was not enough to ward off the intentional tremors. I try to preserve inner calm--ward off the temptation to be defensive regarding my human failings. Yet, my evil intentional tremors manifested themselves in more illegible handwriting than that which is deemed on other days.
The hijackers have been caught. If they are to be neutered, they must be fingerprinted, and identified for who they are, they must be captured by professionals studied in where to quarantine them.
The TSA has not been granted the power to prevent the hijackings I experience--hijacking of my nervous system when I feel emotionally threatened. I can withstand stress. Humor. Reflection. These are but two of the coping strategies I have used during my 51 years.
Emotionally threatened? If it is not rooted in withstanding stress, then what is it? Though not a scholar of neurology, I do study the triggers.
Friends do not trigger emotional threats to me. They never have. They never could. Friendship is not rooted in power-based authority. Good friends trigger no emotional threats to me.
Authority figures. Supervisors at work. However much I liked the individual, I was afraid of being criticized negatively, or worse yet, fired. I understood the terrain of being demoted--the terrain of being underestimated. Being fired. Knowing that that was highly unlikely--knowing that intellectually--was far different from being free of the fear.
Authority figures have not been limited to the work world, although those authority figures are the easiest to portray.
I have had epilepsy since I was a child. When I was born, my umbilical cord was wrapped around my neck five times, which cut off the oxygen supply to the left side of my brain. [If I had a nickel for every time I have uttered those words, I would be a rich woman:)] One of the realities that flows from my birth is that I have extra electrical activity in my brain--a thunderstorm. Anticonvulsants keep the thunderstorms at bay.
I have been told I have intentional tremors on my left side, primarily in my left hand--my predominant hand. The harder I try to do a given task--the more I intend to do a given task, the more I have tremors.
Upon learning that fact, no, long before that, I concentrated on maintaining a level of inner calm. Just as I have taken anticonvulsants to keep my seizures at bay, so too I have needed to employ other strategies to maintain a level of inner calm. Humor. Music. Reflection. Writing. Seeking the best in other people. It may seem to be superficial to seek the best in other people--to seek the positive in life. If done properly, it is far from superficial. If seeking the best of life--the best in other people--is undertaken in opposition to ignoring the negative, then it is superficial. Ignoring the negative in life--whatever, or whoever it may be--makes impossible any hope of living fully. Seeking the best in other people--seeking the positive--is a hunt for a pearl. But, it must be done with proper intent. Ignoring the negative must be replaced with learning from what seems negative on a superficial level.
These were among my strategies to keep the evil hijackers from taking control of my nervous system. I have heard no one speak of being emotionally hijacked, or having his/her nervous system hijacked. Yet, that is precisely what happens.
I was hijacked emotionally today. The evil hijackers took control of my nervous system. I had the armor of anticonvulsants to protect me. Yet, that was not enough to ward off the intentional tremors. I try to preserve inner calm--ward off the temptation to be defensive regarding my human failings. Yet, my evil intentional tremors manifested themselves in more illegible handwriting than that which is deemed on other days.
The hijackers have been caught. If they are to be neutered, they must be fingerprinted, and identified for who they are, they must be captured by professionals studied in where to quarantine them.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Osama bin Laden???
Osama bin Laden.
What do we know of the man named Osama bin Laden? What do we know of the human being named, "Osama bin Laden?"
Can you tell me, who were bin Laden's parents? How old was Osama bin Laden? How many years older or younger than you was Osama bin Laden? Did Osama bin Laden have siblings? If so, how many?
Osama bin Laden was born in 1957--three years before I was born. Bin Laden was the seventh son of 50 sons, and daughters born to a Syrian mother, and a father from Saudi Arabia. His father was a strict disciplinarian. He died when Osama was only 13 years old?
Did you know that Osama bin Laden graduated from college in 1981 with a degree in public administration?
These questions simply scratch the surface of understanding the man named Osama bin Laden, who lived for 57 years. I offer these questions for your reflection.
Bin Laden's early life did not justify the actions he took during his life. That is true of each of us. Our early life may not be a justification for our adult lives. Yet, our early life does inform our adult actions.
How do we view individuals, who are labeled as "terrorists." Do we go beyond scary pictures, frightening recordings, and haunting threats? Are we held captive not by terrorists, but, by our own fears, and broad generalities regarding a group of individuals who act in the same way?
My intent is not to place judgment, or minimize the effects of Osama bin Laden's actions. My intent is straightforward. Do we view terrorists as individuals? How would our relationship to the threats made be if we viewed terrorists as human beings, not as evil enemies? Is it possible to render peace, if we have labeled people as "terrorists," before we know them to be human beings?
We have much to reflect upon. Satisfaction, and jubilation are not within the feelings in my heart tonight.
How may we be instruments of peace?
What do we know of the man named Osama bin Laden? What do we know of the human being named, "Osama bin Laden?"
Can you tell me, who were bin Laden's parents? How old was Osama bin Laden? How many years older or younger than you was Osama bin Laden? Did Osama bin Laden have siblings? If so, how many?
Osama bin Laden was born in 1957--three years before I was born. Bin Laden was the seventh son of 50 sons, and daughters born to a Syrian mother, and a father from Saudi Arabia. His father was a strict disciplinarian. He died when Osama was only 13 years old?
Did you know that Osama bin Laden graduated from college in 1981 with a degree in public administration?
These questions simply scratch the surface of understanding the man named Osama bin Laden, who lived for 57 years. I offer these questions for your reflection.
Bin Laden's early life did not justify the actions he took during his life. That is true of each of us. Our early life may not be a justification for our adult lives. Yet, our early life does inform our adult actions.
How do we view individuals, who are labeled as "terrorists." Do we go beyond scary pictures, frightening recordings, and haunting threats? Are we held captive not by terrorists, but, by our own fears, and broad generalities regarding a group of individuals who act in the same way?
My intent is not to place judgment, or minimize the effects of Osama bin Laden's actions. My intent is straightforward. Do we view terrorists as individuals? How would our relationship to the threats made be if we viewed terrorists as human beings, not as evil enemies? Is it possible to render peace, if we have labeled people as "terrorists," before we know them to be human beings?
We have much to reflect upon. Satisfaction, and jubilation are not within the feelings in my heart tonight.
How may we be instruments of peace?
bin Laden....Enemies...Evil...Peace...
Last night, President Barack Obama announced that Osama bin Laden was killed. I sat transfixed, remembering, as many others where I was when the twin towers of the World Trade Center were attacked. Transfixed as I was, discomfort set in as the killing of Osama bin Laden--a human being--was celebrated with jubilation. Complexity of my convictions set in--a Christian, a supporter of pro-choice, a pacifist, and an ardent supporter of "respect for life" in a broad sense. See A Geography of Respect for Life to discover how I understand "respect for life."
In our daily lives, our elders advise us not to engage in acts of retaliation. Clearly, the stakes involved in the advice we are given does not approximate the extremity of bin Laden's actions. Yet, common to both situations is retaliation. Is retaliation--an eye-for-an-eye, a tooth-for-a-tooth--a mentality constructive to addressing extreme crimes, and grave injustices? Common to both situations, everyone involved is a human being.
Do I celebrate that the underlying basis for our entry into Afghanistan is gone now? Yes. Do I believe that extinguishing Osama bin Laden helps our society to live with greater civility? No. Do I believe civility is essential for a fulfilling society? Yes. Extinguishing Osama bin Laden's life presents an opportunity to affirm a peace-filled alternative to future needs presented by Osama bin Laden's life, values, and actions.
How may we be instruments of peace?
In our daily lives, our elders advise us not to engage in acts of retaliation. Clearly, the stakes involved in the advice we are given does not approximate the extremity of bin Laden's actions. Yet, common to both situations is retaliation. Is retaliation--an eye-for-an-eye, a tooth-for-a-tooth--a mentality constructive to addressing extreme crimes, and grave injustices? Common to both situations, everyone involved is a human being.
Do I celebrate that the underlying basis for our entry into Afghanistan is gone now? Yes. Do I believe that extinguishing Osama bin Laden helps our society to live with greater civility? No. Do I believe civility is essential for a fulfilling society? Yes. Extinguishing Osama bin Laden's life presents an opportunity to affirm a peace-filled alternative to future needs presented by Osama bin Laden's life, values, and actions.
How may we be instruments of peace?
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Threshold of Life
Just now, I read that Moamer Gadhafi's son, and several of his grandsons have been killed. The United Nations is pulling out its staff from Libya due to the violence there.
The Catholic Bishop of Tripoli, Giovanni Martinelli was quoted as appealing "to NATO, the United Nations and the international community to end the bombing ofLibya
We need to discern how to execute policies of humanitarian aid--policies to preserve the lives from the potent threat of despots. How do we exact a number to guide a foreign aid policy--humanitarian aid? How many individuals associated with despots may we execute to justify including arms within the framework of humanitarian aid policies? Do we want to affirm an eye-for-an-eye, a-tooth-for-a-tooth model of foreign policy in relation to despots? Do we think that we can extinguish evil--extinguish the prospect of enemies--once and for all by targeting one despot at a time? Where does it stop?
The Catholic Bishop of Tripoli, Giovanni Martinelli was quoted as appealing "to NATO, the United Nations and the international community to end the bombing of
We need to discern how to execute policies of humanitarian aid--policies to preserve the lives from the potent threat of despots. How do we exact a number to guide a foreign aid policy--humanitarian aid? How many individuals associated with despots may we execute to justify including arms within the framework of humanitarian aid policies? Do we want to affirm an eye-for-an-eye, a-tooth-for-a-tooth model of foreign policy in relation to despots? Do we think that we can extinguish evil--extinguish the prospect of enemies--once and for all by targeting one despot at a time? Where does it stop?
Sunday, February 20, 2011
Love Your Enemy
Jesus calls us to "love your enemy." This morning's readings challenged my understanding of "enemy." I hear "enemy" spoken ad nauseum in terms of world events, and terrorism.
I resist the word "enemy."
I have never found any good to be found in being hostile toward individuals, or groups, much less nations, who live by different beliefs than I have. My belief may seem idealistic. In reality, the contrary is true.
My temptation has been to add "enemy" to the list of words banned from my vocabulary. Closely related to the word "enemy" are the words, "courage," "courageous," "crippled," and "evil."
My response to the list of personally banned words is abhorrence. I abhor calling anyone an enemy, an act evil, a person a victim, or another individual a hero, not to mention brave, and courageous.
I must confess that I do not abhor "courage," and "courageous" as I did at one time. Why? Abhorrence can be a disservice, if it is nothing more than bravado.
This morning's call from Jesus to "love your enemy" leaves me at a loss.
Is it possible that "banning" it from my vocabulary only serves to blur my vision of, and deafen my hearing as to whom I need to be in communion with--individuals, and groups whom I do not understand today?
Is it possible that Jesus is inviting me to listen to the words "enemy," and "evil" as adverbs, rather than as adjectives?
Am I being called to listen for what actions I need to take to change the world around me?
Is it possible to be in communion with individuals, or groups, who are identified as "enemies." How?
What action does the adverb "enemy" call me to make, so that I may be in communion with the individuals, or groups so described. Or, am I satisfied with coexisting with the adjectival "enemies" in my life--in the world.
I resist the word "enemy."
I have never found any good to be found in being hostile toward individuals, or groups, much less nations, who live by different beliefs than I have. My belief may seem idealistic. In reality, the contrary is true.
My temptation has been to add "enemy" to the list of words banned from my vocabulary. Closely related to the word "enemy" are the words, "courage," "courageous," "crippled," and "evil."
My response to the list of personally banned words is abhorrence. I abhor calling anyone an enemy, an act evil, a person a victim, or another individual a hero, not to mention brave, and courageous.
I must confess that I do not abhor "courage," and "courageous" as I did at one time. Why? Abhorrence can be a disservice, if it is nothing more than bravado.
This morning's call from Jesus to "love your enemy" leaves me at a loss.
Is it possible that "banning" it from my vocabulary only serves to blur my vision of, and deafen my hearing as to whom I need to be in communion with--individuals, and groups whom I do not understand today?
Is it possible that Jesus is inviting me to listen to the words "enemy," and "evil" as adverbs, rather than as adjectives?
Am I being called to listen for what actions I need to take to change the world around me?
Is it possible to be in communion with individuals, or groups, who are identified as "enemies." How?
What action does the adverb "enemy" call me to make, so that I may be in communion with the individuals, or groups so described. Or, am I satisfied with coexisting with the adjectival "enemies" in my life--in the world.
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