The System's Face. Me. The System's Face.

     2009 found me at my stamina's end.  In alphabetical order, cerebral palsy, epilepsy, osteoarthritis converged with the aging process.  My get-up-and-go got up and went.  A sharp mind and 49 years under my belt--I was left to build a new life.
      A lifelong follower of the news, diagnosed anxiety left me stressed beyond the days' news to bear.  Though "a bleeding heart liberal" by common parlance, no longer could I listen to defenders of the system--the safety net for those unable to work any more than I could tolerate, I cannot tolerate those with no time for--no understanding of--why any "system" might need to exist.
      I paid into "The System" for more than 25 years.  I paid into Social Security.  I paid into private long-term disability insurance--not so that I might cash in some day.  I "paid in"--I invested in--because, as much as I believe "all men [and women] are created equal,"  it is with no cynicism that I say, "life is not equal."
      Not everyone lives with an equal inventory of life's parts.  Bodily.  Economic.  Social.  More I am sure.  Life is not Perfect.  For whatever reason--however it manifests itself--each life is not on the same level with the same resources--the same needs.
      Yet, each life is precious.  The System is the Net to protect those lives.  Not for pity.  Not for poster children to yield tears from others, raise funds, or intimidate others into different beliefs.  Such defiles the very preciousness it claims to magnify.
       In 2009, I was brought to the front door knocking at "The System," with need.  No begging.  No laziness.  No nefarious intent to abuse--to cheat--The System.  I came to the front door of "The System" with need and guilt--Guilt with a capital "G," that I was not living up to the Ethic I was raised to uphold--the Work Ethic.  No bravado, just the conviction that I had to contribute to society--to the community in which I live.
     Nearly four years later, I continue to redefine "Work Ethic" means within my body's limits.
      I am learning a new vocabulary.  New roles.  New activities.  New balances.
     Volunteer.  Catholic.  Reflect. Write.  Blog.  Neither lazy nor cheat flows through my bloodstream.  Yet, Guilt persists--"intellectually" unjustified guilt--guilt that I personify the very stereotype I abhor.
     47% helped no one.  Not just as you might think.  47% as proclaimed by conservatives, and decried by liberals--helps no one.  Highlighting--not worshipping, but highlighting--how victim is not the essence of "The System's Face"--those who must knock at The System's Front Door-- is essential.  
     If the lazy, cheating, victim stereotype were in fact true, as some conservatives genuinely may believe, then, conservatives need to articulate how to live within inescapable boundaries imposed by the body.
 If conservatives believe that The System--the safety net it provides is not needed--then, talk about how to work within the limits of the body.
     Bleeding heart liberal though I may be, I do not hold liberals free of responsibility.  Liberals pound their chests with pride proclaiming the virtues of the Safety Net.  Hold your horses.
     Clear your throats.  Speak with clarity not with political banter volleying useless debate back into the court of conservatives who decry The System--the conservatives who decry The Safety Net.
     I am The System's Face.  Look at me.  Defense of your positions--volleying of the political football--does nothing to tell me, and you, how to live fully within the limits of my body--the limits of your body.
     I am The System's Face.  Look at me.  I have needs--undeniable needs.
    You are The System's Face.  Look at yourself.
    You are not immune from need--be it physical, economic, or social.  Though today may not be your day of need, such inevitable may come to be.  Do not hide from its possibility.
   The System's Face.  Do not Deface me.
   Conservatives dig deep into the Spiritual Wellspring from which you proclaim your value.
   Tell me.  If I am not to be suspended from an eternal fall by the Safety's Net, then, tell me.  How am I to live?  How are others, whose bodies are similarly compromised to live?  Don't speak of Survival of the Fittest.
    The System's Face.  Do not Deface me.
    Liberals.  Draw from your Thinker's Tank from which you Talk.
    Tell me.  Can you still your political bravado of The System--The Safety Net--in confrontation with conservatives who decry it?  Liberals.  Can you help me--help others--in the Safety Net--the System's Face to redefine how to live within the Safety's Net?
    Conservatives.  Liberals.  Can you tell me?
    Are you willing to work together to redefine the life--the fruit we may bear--in the Safety's Net?
    Conservatives.  Liberals.  Can you tell me?
     Are You willing to change the Pronouns by which you Think--the Pronouns by which you Speak?
     Liberals.  Conservatives.  Can you tell me?
     Will You speak not of They?  Will You work together to redefine the life--the fruit We may bear--in the Safety's Net?

My Subconscious View. Me. LTD. SSDI.

    Me.  Work Ethic.  LTD.  SSDI.  Me.
    Work ethic was instilled in me from childhood.  By example.  By parental instruction.  By familial heritage.  From 1960 til 2009, Work Ethic was held in high esteem--faithfully unquestioned.
     SSDI.  Before 2009, initials.  Social Security Disability Income.  A paragraph in a yearly Social Security Administration statement of credits earned.  SSDI.
     LTD.   Before 2009, initials.  Long-Term Disability.  A sensible work benefit offering.  An insurance policy.  A minuscule deduction--$2.72? per paycheck I presume.  A remote need that echoed it the possibility of my imagination--a need vague to my view, yet, haunting to my anxiety.  An anxiety inexpensive to appease, however remote it seemed.  LTD.
    SSDI.  LTD.  I knew no one within the limits of LTD--of SSDI.  LTD.  SSDI.
    LTD.  My knowledge of anyone on long-term disability was LTD to no one.  LTD.
    2009.
    A defining moment in my view of the world--in a view of myself.
    2009.
    SSDI.  I knew no one on SSDI.  Enlightened though I thought myself to be, I had far different images of who were receiving SSDI.  Some of those images haunt me yet today.  They do not describe who I am, yet, they define my sense of what I believe I must be in order to receive SSDI.
    SSDI.  Bedridden.  Paralyzed.  Confined to a wheelchair.  Totally dependent.  Unable to meet my activities of daily living independently.  Feeding.  Bathing.  Dressing.  SSDI.
    Bedridden.  Paralyzed.  Confined.  Incapable.  Unable.  Incontinent.  Dependent.
    2013.
    Four years have passed since 2009.
    2013.
    I am redefining what my life within the limits of my body is.  Volunteer.  Researcher.  Swimmer.  Friend.  Sister.  Cousin.  Aunt.  Daughter.  Writer.  Catholic activist.
    2013.
    Yet, four years later, the haunting drumbeat of my Subconscious View tower over me--the haunting drumbeat is deafening.  LTD.  SSDI.
    2009.
    Periodically--necessarily--surveyed, the haunting drumbeat is pounded into my spirit.  LTD.  SSDI.
    Surveyed--periodically--necessarily.  My personal questionnaire.
    2013.
    Do I fulfill my misconception--the haunting drumbeat?
    OR
    Am I moving forward to Redefine My Life within my Body's Limits.
    Me.  SSDI.  LTD.  The haunting drumbeat is deafening to my spirit.  LTD.  SSDI.  Me.