Confessions of a Pacifist

     I have no desire to jump on the bandwagon of every hot button issue in the news.  Only when I do not hear what I believe--deeply believe--do I feel compelled to respond.  The Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings fall into that category.  Gun control.  [Presently, my thoughts regarding mental health services are not well formed--maybe later I will address that.  But, not without careful contemplation will I do so.]
     I shall examine gun control, but, not as you might think--not as it is addressed in common parlance.
     Under my rule, in a perfect society, no guns would exist.  Yet, I am not the ruler.  The world is not perfect--my understanding of guns does not suffice to be an "effective" advocate of gun control.
     We speak of background checks.  We speak of gun safety classes.  Common agreement seems to exist on the reasonable nature of those two elements of gun ownership--of gun use.
     Now, conceal and carry licenses are more controversial.
     Several issues lend themselves to consideration separately--media coverage; online information regarding guns.
     Media is moving toward avoiding mention of the names of the individuals who shoot numerous people--individuals who instigate rampages, or massacres.  Both the availability of information regarding guns, and media usage of the shooter(s)' name(s) are driven by the concern that there will be copycats, who seek fame.  That is sensible to me.  Yet, I want to address some issues, and related questions separately.
     All this is well and good.  Yet this is not all that is needed by a second group of people involved in the gun control debate--advocates of gun control.  I may be condemning all individuals who are advocates of gun control, who are more informed than I.  I will take that risk, in the hope that I might be clarifying issues and questions not sufficiently included in the discussion--the national conversation regarding gun control that seems likely to be forthcoming.  I do not know how to address directly the ardent supporters of the Second Amendment--those individuals who oppose gun control.  My intent is not to inflame the debate.  That is useless.  Clarity is the essence of effective advocacy--advocacy regarding any issue.

Victims. Entitlement.

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
                                                                        Mitt Romney
     I do my best to steer clear of political commentary.  Excessive ranting, raving does grave injustice to the issues that demand our attention.
     But...
     I must speak out against Mitt Romney's broad strokes.  You see, some may say I am within the group of which he speaks--not completely, but, sufficient to respond.  I no longer work.  Although I do pay taxes.  I receive SSDI.  I am covered by Medicare.
     Some may say, "Don't take Mitt Romney's words personally."  I must.  The only way I know to live is personally.  If I do not live from my personal experience,  then, I have nothing to offer this world.
     Oxford Dictionaries defines "victim" as, "[noun] a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action."
      If you define "cerebral palsy," as a result of the event of my birth, then, yes, I am a victim.  However, "victim", when spoken in common parlance, has a heavy burden of pity that exceeds its dictionary definition.  I do not include myself in that group.
    "Personal" is defined as, "adjective.  of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else."
    "Responsibility" is defined as, "the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone."
     I do what is within my power to take responsibility to care for myself--for the impact of "cerebral palsy," "osteoarthritis," "epilepsy," and "intentional tremors."  I take medications twice daily.  I swim three to four hours a week.  I use a straw to drink--to counteract a tremor-laden hand.  I adjust the arrangement of my home to accommodate my physical capabilities.
    Dependent?  Yes, I am dependent.
    I don an ankle-foot-orthotic--a leg brace--daily.  I use an electric wheelchair when traveling long distances.  I submit to lab tests to evaluate the amounts of medications in my bloodstream.
    Dependent?  Yes, I am dependent.  Everyone is.
    But...that is not the whole story of who I am.
    I do give back.  To my family.  To my friends.  To my church.  To my community.  As I am able, I do give back.
    Research.  Writing.  Listening.  Advising.  Advocating.  Volunteering.
    Entitlement is defined as, "the fact of having a right to something."
    Entitlement.  Respect?  Yes.  Respect--basic, human respect.  That is the Entitlement that I offer each individual I meet and know.  That is the Entitlement I expect from others.

Gun Abolition. Pacifism. Civility.

     Pistol.  Shotgun.  Rifle.  AK 47.  Militia.  The Second Amendment.  Right to bear arms.  National Rifle Association. The NRA.
     I confess.  My visceral reaction to the words preceding this paragraph are rooted in illiteracy.  Rightly or wrongly, I choose to root my life in more fertile ground--ground that nurtures the loving of the human spirit.  I understand nothing more.  I expect nothing less.
     Conflict.  War.
     Korea.  Vietnam....Iran.  Iraq.  Afghanistan.
     Etched in my memory.  My father--a Korean War veteran.  My brother--Selective Service Draft Number 30, save Conscientious Objector status.
     Iran.  Iraq.  Afghanistan.
     Blurred to my attentiveness.  Avoided that I might be not submissive--not submissive to War's Clutches.
     Pacifism.  Pacifist.
     I am grounded in "Pacifism."  Yes, my name is "Patricia--Patty."  Yet, I call myself a "Pacifist."
     Most call "pacifism" a common noun.  Proper to me, "Pacifism--Pacifist" are proper nouns.
     I resist temptations to respond to Rage's White Noise.  Yet, piano, and violin notes, CNN's words dissolve my resistance--call me to form my thoughts--call me to express my words.
     Gun Control.  Not enough.  I want more--much more.  No one speaks of Gun Abolition.  Is such too extreme?
     Gun Control.  Some advocate.  Others can legislate.  Some can enact.  Yet others may judge.  I shall reflect.  Gun Abolition.
     Let us restore civility.  Not just for today.  Not just for this week.  Not just for this Presidential campaign.  Let us restore civility beyond measure of time.

Living With the Cold, Hard Facts

     Zoomer.  A refrigerator--new, black, textured, cold.

     By passion, a researcher.  A children's museum my workplace--my playground.

     By birth, not a cradle Catholic.  By pursuit, reform's seeker.

     Since birth, cerebral palsy, epilepsy.  Since middle age, osteoarthritis.

     Lifelong, disability's advocate.

     In common?  This is my life.  Cold, hard facts.  Not always difficult, just cold, hard facts to be lived--to be lived fully.

     One year ago, a wheelchair was offered to my consideration.  I wanted nothing of it.

     "Think of your needs.  Not now.  Not a year from now.  Think of your needs five years from now."

     Still, I wanted nothing of it.  Yet, I slept on the offering.  I considered my life's cold, hard facts.

     I chose--I choose--to live with them, not die from them.

     Yesterday, a refrigerator was delivered.  New.  Black.  Textured.  To my liking.  To Zoomer's liking. 

     64 inches high.  My height?  64 inches.  28 inches wide.  My width?  Irrelevant.  32 inches deep.  My depth--my physical depth?  To the refrigerator's depth.

     Zoomer's reach?  The refrigerator's depth.  The freezer's height.

     Zoomer's range--range of motion?  Atop the freezer's height?  No.

     These are the dimensions of my life--the cold, hard facts.  But...these are the dimensions by which I am called to live--beyond the reach of the gifts I have been given.  

     I am an odd futurist.  Some say odd.  Others say futuristic.

     I do not know what my future will be.  None of us does.  Odd though it may seem, my new refrigerator opens a new view to the cold, hard facts by which I will be called to live.

     Covered with a texture new to me--it is fun to touch.  A new height to test.  A new depth to reach. 

     "Think of your needs.  Not now.  Not a year from now.  Think of your needs five years from now."

     I am an odd futurist.  I do not live by a clock's ticking.  My body breathes to her own rhythm--a mystery to me.  I try to live with her, not in fear of her.  Most days I abide by her.  Fewer days I succumb to them.

     I engage Zoomer to my new refrigerator.  With her, may I reach to the depths of the cold, hard facts by which I must live?  With her, may I reach beyond the gifts I have been to live? 

     I do not know what they will be.  I do not know their color.  Their height. 

     What will the texture of my spirit be to live by those cold, hard facts? 

     I pray I will abide by them, not succumb to them.

Advocating or Proselytizing

     Advocate.  Proselytize.  Convert.
     This week, proselytizing, and advocacy came to the fore.  When is proseltyzing appropriate?  When do we advocate?  How do we do so effectively?
     Proselyte.  Greek word, proselytus means "convert to (Judaism), stranger, one who has come over."  

     First, a proselyte appeared.  In the YMCA's (Young Men's Christian Association's) poolroom.  The intended audience?  My personal trainer.  I was not privy to their conversation.  My clues?  A Bible--a hand pointing to biblical passages.  The personal trainer, held captive to the
     What was I called to do?  What am I called to know before deciding to act?  From what past life experiences may I discern today's experience?  Several.

     Common to teenagers, I sought out a willing proselyte in junior high school.  Questions addressed, if not answered.  Bible study sessions.  Context.  My response?  A conversation with the pastor--Mark.  My creekside chidhood home would suggest a conversion blessed by water.  Such was my family's fear.  Have no fear.  Clear to me, this was not the time, this was not for me.  At the creek, with respect, I made clear, this was not my conversion's time--this was not my conversion's place.
     Open to beliefs diverse from my own,  I do call for a foundation.  Respect.  Patty's Prerequisite.  Respect.  Mutual respect.   
     Several years later, a similar seeking.  A far different result.  I was more mature.  My search was on solid ground.  A foundation was laid.  Respect.  My prerequisite met.  Mutual respect.
     The YMCA's poolside proseltyzing was unprovoked.  Yet, I was called to advocate for my own beliefs--my own needs. 
     Advocate.  Latin.  Ad- to, + vocaere, to call, related to  "vocem" (...voice.)

     How was I called to advocate--to advocate effectively?
     I was not privy to the words exchanged between the proseltye, and the personal trainer.  My only clue--a Bible--a hand pointing to biblical passages.
     My choices?  Two.  Proselytize?  No.  I had no reason to address the proselytizer.  She was not talking to me.  She was gone.   Advocacy?  Yes.  The trainer.
     Advocacy.  To call for what?  How?
     My feelings?  Anger.  Frustration.  Disappointment.  Determination.
     Convert.  Latin word, convertere, 'turn around, transform,' from com- 'together' and 'vertere "to turn."

    Open to beliefs diverse from my own,  I do call for a foundation.  Respect.  Patty's prerequisite.  Mutual respect.  Some may call my optimism--my positive nature--to be syrupy.  Yet, I prefer to think of it as an invitation to me, and to others to seek the best opportunity to transform something disappointing, bad, or whatever, into a positive situation.
    In terms of the proselytizer and my personal trainer, I have a positive outcome to share.  In the pool, I kicked my anger, and formed a constructive e-mail message stating my feelings, my intention to cancel our next session, and go back to my swimming routine.  Surprisingly, my direct approach caught the trainer's attention.  In a positive manner.  She understood how she could have handled the proselytizer differently.  She understood that I deserved her attention.  Barb expressed a desire to be more attentive.  We will meet again.