Listen. Pray. Speak. Act. Pray. Listen

My tears—my sadness—are God’s nudging me to arise.

Listen.  Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen.

Long after your name—your face--is eclipsed by wonder-filled days,

Your words echo—reverberate—in the depths of my being.

The rhythm of your words inspires in me a constant drumbeat.

Listen.  Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen.

What do I say?

When do I speak?

How do I voice my sadness to you?

Will you listen?

Will you hear me?

Listen.  Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen.

Lend me your ear.

Give me a voice.

Give me a plan.

Grace me with faith.

Listen.  Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen. 

You will listen.

You will hear.

You will change.

Listen.  Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen.  

                                           September 4, 2007

     One day, a former coworker and I were working alone in the library.  With my back turned to him, my coworker must have seen someone who used a wheelchair.
     Without thinking anything of it, she said, "Oh, there goes another gimp."

     What?

     I was stunned--absolutely stunned.  I was rendered uncharacteristically speechless.  Never had anyone called me a gimp--never had I called myself "gimp."
     Writing has been the vehicle I have used to process my feelings--the deeper the hurt, the clearer the writing.  This piece was my attempt to process what happened, and what my feelings were.
     I do remember Janet.  She was not malicious per se--she was genuinely naive, and totally clueless.  Janet was a piece of work.  She is retired now.  I know nothing more of her life now.

     Ever since I was a little kid, I have believed that if I found the right words I could foster understanding.  I don't know if Janet ever understood--truly understood--the impact of her words.  The relationship that followed was based in nervous fear.  Janet was put on notice that if she ever so misspoke again, there would be consequences.

     It is ironic.  At the time that I wrote Listen. Pray.  Speak.  Act.  Pray.  Listen, my energies were focused on the word "gimp" and my inclusion in the word's definition.  I was walking with an ankle-foot-orthotic--a brace-- at the time, but, I was not in any way shape, or form, using a wheelchair.  Nor was I about to do so.

     Five years later, my circumstances are quite different.  No, I do not call myself a "gimp."  That has not changed. What has changed is that I use an electric wheelchair to live--to move long distances.  I don't know how I might have responded.  I guess the word "gimp" still would have been the main issue.  Yet, I wonder how would Janet and I have interacted.  I cannot mourn a lost friendship.  Close friendship far exceeded any physical differences.
     Although much has changed in five years, in all aspects of my life today, I continue to be committed to listen...pray....speak...act...pray...listen.

A Study in Words

     Many words come to mind as the debt ceiling debate.  Disgust.  Astonishment.  Frustration.  These are but a few of the words regarding how the debate is being conducted that come to my mind.
     I plead guilty to any accusation that I am obsessed with how words are used--how words are used in describing individuals, and interactions, most notably.  Words define the structure of a sentence--the foundation of a conversation.  The most important words are the subtle words--the words that are deemed acceptable.
     I have heard descriptions of this weekend's congressional proceedings.  I include both the House and the Senate in the term, "congress."  Sometimes, only the House is intended by speaking of "congressional."
     News reports have described actions in Congress this weekend as, "political theater."  Others have spoken with little fanfare of the "players" in the "game."  
     I cannot comprehend the economic figures being discussed.  I know what my political--governmental--spending priorities are, yet, my focus is elsewhere.  Some question what will happen if our nation's debt ceiling is not lifted.   As important as the answer to that question is, I am much more concerned about the words by which the debate is framed.
     Dumbfounded.  Whose life involves no compromise?  Whose life is ideal?  Do any of us choose the life circumstances we have been given to live?  Yes, we do have control--some control--over the quality of our lives. But, that is because we have chosen how we will live the circumstances we have been given to live.
     I don't like some of the compromises that my life circumstances have called me to make.  Yet, the alternative--not making any compromises--would be to paralyze me from living a meaningful life.  I am not willing to be so principled that I overlook the critical need for pragmatism.  Being willing to compromise--being pragmatic--is not a guarantee of getting the desired result--or the entirety of any desired result.  But, pragmatism, and compromise are unavoidable--necessary starting points.  Engaging in pragmatism, and compromise is the only hope I know of to preserve a high quality of living.
    At this point in time, we do not know the impact of the debt ceiling debate will be.  In my own life, the compromises I have been called to make to date have not been implemented for long enough to know of their impact on my life.  I do not know the specific compromises I will be called to make in the future.  The same is true of the U.S. Congress, and the President.  Yet, the price of not making compromises we are called to make is greater than making compromises, as a sign of being adults.

Civic Responsibility

     More and more, as time goes on, I find myself much less ardent in my advocacy for a given cause.  Although if called to label myself politically, I would describe myself as liberal, that does not suffice to describe my perspective.  I am far more ardent an advocate for civility, respect, pragmatism, and civic engagement.
     I am a resident of St. Paul, Minnesota.  As such, I witnessed an irresponsible government shutdown.  Irresponsible--the negotiation strategies employed, rather than any of the facts that resulted in the shutdown warrant irresponsible.  Time elapsed.  Compromise prevailed.  Now, the Minnesota State government is open, and operational now.  I was not affected directly.  I am a friend of a state employee.  I am a citizen of Minnesota.  Yet, on a day-to-day basis, the shutdown did not have a short-term impact on me.
     Civic responsibility.  The debt ceiling negotiations.  I am not an economist.  I do not play one on television.  I am a citizen of the United States.  I am a recipient of SSDI.  Neither of these elements of me may have any part in the debt ceiling negotiations.  Yet, both elements lead me to reflection.
     Many people are heard to say, "throw the bums out!" in relation to officeholders, who vote for a given piece of legislation, or a given political persuasion.  I am not so inclined.  I vote on the basis of the current needs at Election Day, and the needs I perceive for the future.  I do not vote for a given political candidate as a vote against the opposing candidate.  Such an approach does not give anyone the mandate he or she needs to govern.  I do not engage in name-calling with regard to a given officeholder, candidate, or political movement.  To do so dilutes my integrity, credibility, and influence for my convictions.
     Principled pragmatism.
     Typical  of many college students, I was an idealist.  I was a passionate advocate for issues of personal interest, knowledge, and understanding.  Had life been perfect, I would have pursued paid work promoting the awareness of disabilities.
      With time--with the realities of career disappointments, among other factors--I became more of a pragmatist.  College ideals gave way to the need for a job, health insurance, among other things.
      Recently, I have listened with disgust to the individuals engaged in the debt ceiling debate.  Participants are so firmly entrenched in their principles that there is no room for compromise--for pragmatism.
     Principles and pragmatism need not be diametrically opposed.  In fact, they are intimates.  Principles are the starting point from which negotiations regarding any debate.  Yet, at the point that listening, understanding, pragmatism, and compromise are left out of the discourse, principles--however genuinely held they may be--lose their credence.
     Civic Responsibility.  Principles.  Listening.  Understanding.  Listening.  Pragmatism.  Compromise.  Principled Pragmatism.  Civic Responsibility.   These need not be complicated undertakings.  These are worthy of celebration.  When they prevail, we may inhale civility's breath.