The wait for a wheelchair continues. Work with the vendor of the wheelchair, and the insurance company advocate continues. The need is unrelenting. The work seems without end--without a tangible result.
I am a reasonable, logical, peaceful woman. I am not comfortable being aggressive in stating my proven needs--my proven need.
Friends, family, and acquaintances recognize my need, and offer the compassion ever so helpful as I strive toward my goal--a wheelchair. I never imagined--I resisted--my need for a wheelchair. Time, and my ankle convince me otherwise.
I try to draw on my natural tendencies to achieve my goal--a wheelchair. Logical. I identified the steps necessary to secure a wheelchair. An accounting of my physical symptoms, and capacities, a doctor's mobility assessment, an insurance company advocate, a medical vendor acceptable to the insurance company.
Reasonable. I listened to the doctor's recommendations. I spoke with the insurance company advocate. I visited the medical vendor. I tried wheelchairs likely to meet my needs. I maintained constant contact with the advocate, and the medical vendor.
Aggressiveness expresses itself in cries of desperation from me. Threats to change vendors. Yet, aggressiveness, and threats help no one.
Working to secure a wheelchair in the last three-and-a-half months lead me back to a lifelong question. First, is it reasonable to expect that another human being may understand basic human needs, and life circumstances that may not be their own? Second, is it true that no one may understand my/our human needs, because my/our life circumstances are not theirs?
I am either a foolish optimist, or an optimistic fool. Maybe both. I hate to think that none of us may understand the basic human needs of another person, or persons, because our life circumstances are different--are not identical.
Is it possible to surmount seeming indifference to those basic human needs? If so, how?
My default has been that indifference is surmountable. I begin with logical appeals. I resort to emotional appeals. I seek support, and reinforcement to identify, and pursue other courses of action.
Then, I wonder. If my need is not enough--if the need/needs of the individuals for whom I am advocating are not enough--then, how can I appeal to the self-interests of the indifferent party?
I am far beyond angry. I am exasperated. I am exhausted. I am depressed. Yet, none of these strategies, insights, or feelings has rendered a wheelchair. Anger, exasperation, exhaustion, depression serve no one. They are not effective conveyors of my emotions to the people who seem to have the resources to meet my needs.
I wonder about the appearance of my need. I am extremely grateful to be able to navigate my condominium. So, to anyone who observes me navigate just short distances, they would surmise that my need does not rise to their requisite threshold. Yet, anyone who has known me for any length of time--before I stopped working in 2009--they would know that I do not whine. I do not pull the pity card--the victim's vengeance--in my daily dealings.
How do I communicate the need that exceeds my immediate home environment? How do I communicate that my need in a dignified manner? Does pity need to be the weapon I must use to get my needs met? I am no victim--by nature, I am no victim. Yet, indifference is victimizing me unnecessarily.
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