Guns. Self-Defense. Inner Resources.

     An understanding of what I do not understand regarding guns emerges as I watch the news--general crime stories involving guns--and listen to coverage of the Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings in Newtown, Connecticut.
     My understanding--my lack of understanding--falls into two categories.  First, beliefs regarding guns as vehicles of self-defense, and secondly, is my lack of understanding regarding the facts of guns.  I shall address the first category as the foundation of my reflections for this post.  I need to reflect further on the second category, and how to formulate my thoughts, and questions into a forthcoming post.  I can ill-afford haste.
     Some individuals say they want guns for purposes of self-defense--defense of self, or of family.  I do not.  I could say that I do not feel comfortable in holding the gun, and in aiming it appropriately in a timely manner.  Such is true, and more so today with the presence of essential tremors in my left hand--tremors aggravated when I am very nervous.  So, that is true, in part.  But, to a far greater degree, I cannot bring myself to act so harshly toward another human being.  I just cannot do so.  Further, and most importantly, I believe that stronger than any bullet I might pierce the skin of another human being are my inner resources.  Gun control advocates speak of the dangers of guns being used against the owners, who purchased them for self-protection--guns being used by perpetrators of crime against gun owners.  I subscribe to that belief.
     I take it one step further.
     Beyond the reliability of any gun, whatever the type may be, is the reliability of my inner resources.  I prefer relying on my inner resources any day.
     As I child, I encountered many bullies--not everyone was a bully, but, there were more than my taste.  Whenever, I encountered bullies, I asked myself what I could say to stop their behaviors.  I failed many times, yet, I could never bring myself to return the favor of the hurt they inflicted on me, by trying to hurt them intentionally.  Although I failed many more times than I like to admit, I developed tremendous inner resources.  Some have said that I am too sensitive.  I resist that characterization.  Insights have been given to me through that sensitivity that have given me tremendous inner resources.
    We need to look at inner resources--at nurturing strong inner resources to serve us through challenges that might otherwise call for a gun.  We cannot afford to overlook the treasury of inner resources

Confessions of a Pacifist

     I have no desire to jump on the bandwagon of every hot button issue in the news.  Only when I do not hear what I believe--deeply believe--do I feel compelled to respond.  The Sandy Hook Elementary School shootings fall into that category.  Gun control.  [Presently, my thoughts regarding mental health services are not well formed--maybe later I will address that.  But, not without careful contemplation will I do so.]
     I shall examine gun control, but, not as you might think--not as it is addressed in common parlance.
     Under my rule, in a perfect society, no guns would exist.  Yet, I am not the ruler.  The world is not perfect--my understanding of guns does not suffice to be an "effective" advocate of gun control.
     We speak of background checks.  We speak of gun safety classes.  Common agreement seems to exist on the reasonable nature of those two elements of gun ownership--of gun use.
     Now, conceal and carry licenses are more controversial.
     Several issues lend themselves to consideration separately--media coverage; online information regarding guns.
     Media is moving toward avoiding mention of the names of the individuals who shoot numerous people--individuals who instigate rampages, or massacres.  Both the availability of information regarding guns, and media usage of the shooter(s)' name(s) are driven by the concern that there will be copycats, who seek fame.  That is sensible to me.  Yet, I want to address some issues, and related questions separately.
     All this is well and good.  Yet this is not all that is needed by a second group of people involved in the gun control debate--advocates of gun control.  I may be condemning all individuals who are advocates of gun control, who are more informed than I.  I will take that risk, in the hope that I might be clarifying issues and questions not sufficiently included in the discussion--the national conversation regarding gun control that seems likely to be forthcoming.  I do not know how to address directly the ardent supporters of the Second Amendment--those individuals who oppose gun control.  My intent is not to inflame the debate.  That is useless.  Clarity is the essence of effective advocacy--advocacy regarding any issue.

Bravery...Courage...Cowardice...

     I honor the men, women and children spoken of in recent days with regard to the Newtown, Connecticut.  I honor--I write to illuminate the true meaning of bravery, and courage.  This is not long held by me, rather, it is only inspired by the Newtown school shootings--by Robbie Parker, the father of Emilie Parker, a six-year-old girl, who was shot in Newton, Connecticut.
    Bravery.  Bravery is a vehicle by which a human being moves on a journey through loss, grief, challenge, or other life transition.
   "Bravery" is not--should not be--a crowning glory that serves to separate human beings from one another due to life circumstances.  Though some of us may have experiences more in common with some individuals, none of us has identical life experiences.  Yet, each of us does share with one another the experience--the gift--of being human.  We are called to share that gift.
     Too often, "bravery," and "courage" are spoken of in terms of flag waving, and throne- or perch-sitting.  I see it differently.  Finally, I see it differently--with clarity.
     When we laud those who have been in the military, we say, "the brave men and women in service or in the service.  Yet, we do not carry that over to our everyday civilian lives.  Service or the service is a commitment to a communal advancement of shared goals.
     Courage.  Courage is a personal attribute that fuels our vehicle--our bravery.  Without the initial drive we would be stuck--forever stuck--in our grief--in our loss.
     The choice, if you can call it that, not to embrace courage and bravery is to remain stuck--to fail to develop, nurture, and share the gifts we have been given.  Are we really willing to live in complete isolation, be it literal, or figurative, because we are too timid--too cowardly--to do the work necessary to free ourselves?
     I pray not. I dare you.  Be driven by courage.  Be moved by your own bravery.  Be inspired by others, but, do not use their bravery as a substitute for your responsibility to embrace--to engage in--your expression of bravery--your willingness to be driven with courage to acts of bravery.   

The Spirit of Accountability

     Last night, I tuned into a newscaster new to my ears.  Recommended by someone close to me, I was in search of new insight regarding disturbing broad generalizations made in the political arena.
     I knew my general view of the generalizations--generalizations about the 47%.  Yet, I wanted to be enlightened--dissuaded from my outrage.
     In general terms, the newscaster affirmed me--my stance regarding the 47%.  However, I was turned off, literally, by one simple word.
     "Idiots."
    Describing individuals with an opposing views as "idiots" is beyond my threshold for tolerance.  Name-calling does not give the necessary credence to any opinion, belief, or perspective.  I abhor name-calling.  I abhor it.
    Whenever challenged by beliefs, or opinions contrary to my own, I seek insight--I seek enlightenment.
    I hold decision-makers, and journalists in high esteem.  Hyperbole and sensationalism are excessive for my taste.  Yet, I will not lower my standards--my expectations--because of the lowest common denominator too often displayed.
    I am the daughter of a retired accountant.  Though retired, my father's value of being accountable remains strong--in him, and in me.  Far beyond financial accountability, forever in my memory, he has worked to advance adherence to ethical standards--professional ethics, and basic, human ethics.
    During 2012, I have been immersed in Catholic Church reform work.  Ethics--accountability--of words and actions is primary.
    Some may say I take too personally what is uttered in public.  I do not hold myself out to be injured by words spoken, or actions taken.  Yet, I must--I am called to--take personally the words of political candidates, and journalists.  Can you tell me, what am I too offer, why am I here, if not to offer my personal experience to my words, and my actions?  Why?
    I will not tolerate the broad strokes of 47%.  I will not abide by "idiots" in public discourse.
    Though other issues, and factors lead me to vote otherwise, I hoped the Republican nominee for President might listen to his wife's words--to his wife's life experience.  Interviewed during the Republican National Convention, Ann Romney spoke of living with multiple sclerosis.  She said:
    "You don't know, 'how much is it gonna chew me up and spit me out? ... How sick am I gonna get? Is this going to be progressive? Am I going to be in a wheelchair? Am I, you know, gonna lose all function?
     There's this huge unknown. And it's a very, very frightening place to be.' "
     Ann's words stick with me.  The newscaster's words stick with me--his characterization of his political opponents, "idiots."

     Where is the accountability?  Where is the spirit of accountable--to Ann, to the 47%, to journalistic seekers of truth, and enlightenment?  Where?

     Living by anything short of a spirit of accountability is sheer cowardice--sheer cowardice.

Victims. Entitlement.

"There are 47 percent of the people who will vote for the president no matter what. All right, there are 47 percent who are with him, who are dependent upon government, who believe that they are victims, who believe the government has a responsibility to care for them, who believe that they are entitled to health care, to food, to housing, to you-name-it -- that that's an entitlement. And the government should give it to them. And they will vote for this president no matter what. ... These are people who pay no income tax. ... [M]y job is not to worry about those people. I'll never convince them they should take personal responsibility and care for their lives."
                                                                        Mitt Romney
     I do my best to steer clear of political commentary.  Excessive ranting, raving does grave injustice to the issues that demand our attention.
     But...
     I must speak out against Mitt Romney's broad strokes.  You see, some may say I am within the group of which he speaks--not completely, but, sufficient to respond.  I no longer work.  Although I do pay taxes.  I receive SSDI.  I am covered by Medicare.
     Some may say, "Don't take Mitt Romney's words personally."  I must.  The only way I know to live is personally.  If I do not live from my personal experience,  then, I have nothing to offer this world.
     Oxford Dictionaries defines "victim" as, "[noun] a person harmed, injured, or killed as a result of a crime, accident, or other event or action."
      If you define "cerebral palsy," as a result of the event of my birth, then, yes, I am a victim.  However, "victim", when spoken in common parlance, has a heavy burden of pity that exceeds its dictionary definition.  I do not include myself in that group.
    "Personal" is defined as, "adjective.  of, affecting, or belonging to a particular person rather than to anyone else."
    "Responsibility" is defined as, "the state or fact of having a duty to deal with something or of having control over someone."
     I do what is within my power to take responsibility to care for myself--for the impact of "cerebral palsy," "osteoarthritis," "epilepsy," and "intentional tremors."  I take medications twice daily.  I swim three to four hours a week.  I use a straw to drink--to counteract a tremor-laden hand.  I adjust the arrangement of my home to accommodate my physical capabilities.
    Dependent?  Yes, I am dependent.
    I don an ankle-foot-orthotic--a leg brace--daily.  I use an electric wheelchair when traveling long distances.  I submit to lab tests to evaluate the amounts of medications in my bloodstream.
    Dependent?  Yes, I am dependent.  Everyone is.
    But...that is not the whole story of who I am.
    I do give back.  To my family.  To my friends.  To my church.  To my community.  As I am able, I do give back.
    Research.  Writing.  Listening.  Advising.  Advocating.  Volunteering.
    Entitlement is defined as, "the fact of having a right to something."
    Entitlement.  Respect?  Yes.  Respect--basic, human respect.  That is the Entitlement that I offer each individual I meet and know.  That is the Entitlement I expect from others.

Jan Michael Joncas

     My first experience with Michael Joncas was aural--On Eagles Wings.  I cannot put words to that experience.  Later, he presided at the Newman Center, where I attended.  Between then and now, I have been taken back to his music many times.
   Nearly ten years ago, immersed in my own stress, I was aware--vaguely--that he was very ill.  I knew little more than that.
    By no means to minimize Michael Joncas--his fullness as a human being--my only understanding of him was his music.  I love music.  I survived the travails of teenage years through music.  To this day, music is a refuge I seek.  To celebrate.  To meditate.  To contemplate.  Beyond my understanding was how anyone could give more of themselves than all of the glorious music Joncas has composed--has given to us.
    Recently, I was called upon to broaden my knowledge of Michael Joncas--Jan Michael Joncas.  Beyond a history of his vital statistics--his accomplishments--I was called upon to give voice to what he has said regarding current issues of our day.
     Suffering.
     Oxford Dictionaries defines suffering as, "the undergoing of pain, distress, or hardship."
     Suffering.  Much more is laden on the word in society.  It is difficult to quantify--to limit by the borders of words.  Pity?  Separation?  Denial?
      My experience of "suffering"--the word, not the experience--had been the syrup-laden cocoon assumed by the appearance of a reality I have lived with since the moment my umbilical cord was unwrapped from the five times it constricted oxygen from my brain.
     My reality has changed, as has been my understanding of "suffering."  However, I could not articulate that change, I could only live it.  Enter Jan Michael Joncas.
     "I learned that you do not solve the problem of suffering,...you enter into the mystery of suffering.  And it does change you, and it changes your world."

Ohhhh...

     In a time when dramatic events, and ghastly acts of inhumanity, few events, or milestones cause an audible response from me.  I imagine I am not alone in that.
     Just now, one such audible response was evoked.  Neil Armstrong died at the age of 82.  To people of a certain age, they remember where they were when they looked at the first black and white images of the moon.  To people of a certain age, they remember where they were when they heard the iconic words, "One small step for man, one giant step for mankind."
     I was in Brainerd on a family vacation.  I was a sick nine-year-old, moaning with an earache--nothing serious, but, I remember.
     Long before cable television.  Long before personal computers, Neil Armstrong took us beyond boundaries of what we imagined possible.
     How do we pay homage--meaningful homage--to Neil Armstrong?
     First, stop.  Take a look at, and return to The First Moon Landing with Neil Armstrong.
     In homage to Neil Armstrong, are we willing to commit ourselves to one action?
     Live our lives imagining a future beyond what seems possible to us now--beyond the limits imposed by our own cynicism and skepticism.
     Challenge our friends, family--our society--to live beyond what they imagine might be possible.
     Let us pay homage.